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27/04/2018
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By Ginnie Graham Editorial Writer 4 hrs ago
In 1983, Trelynda Kerr belted out a country music medley so strong it seemed to shake the walls of the Grove High School auditorium.
After the 20-year-old Moore native nabbed the Miss Grand Lake crown, she won over the Miss Oklahoma judges and headed to Atlantic City with more than 10 suitcases and a 100-watt smile.
Kerr didn’t win. She didn’t break the top 10 as Vanessa Williams won Miss America that year singing “Happy Days are Here Again.”
My mom, who traveled with the Miss Oklahoma entourage after serving as an assistant director of the local pageant, swears the coastal judges had a Midwestern bias and didn’t get country music.
If the Miss America Pageant wasn’t ready for Trelynda Kerr then, it is now.
For more than 30 years, Kerr has kept a modestly private life but made no secret of being gay. In the past year, she has become an activist within the Miss America Pageant.
A revolution led by former queens ousted top pageant leaders and the board after a scandal revealed emails between officials describing contestants in vulgar and sexist language. It ended with former Fox News anchor Gretchen Carlson, also the 1989 Miss America, as chief executive officer.
Incensed by that treatment of women, Kerr contacted the organization with an offer.
“I said if they needed help bridging the gap to the gay community, I’m happy to help,” Kerr said in a recent telephone interview. “I’m always there to help out, and I understand the difficulty with the lesbian community and the pageant.”
Carlson immediately placed Kerr on a newly formed diversity and inclusion task force, composed of six former Miss Americas and six former state title holders. Recommendations will be made to the board this year.
“This is a priority to Gretchen. She knows it’s an important issue, not just for the gay community but for diversity in general,” Kerr said. “It’s not just important for contestants, but also for volunteers and staff. It’s about a diverse group of women being tasked to talk about diversity and how to make sure Miss America includes everybody and makes everybody feel welcome.”
Recently, 2005 Miss America Deidre Downs Gunn married a woman in Alabama to become the first former national title holder to enter a same-sex marriage. In 2016, Miss Missouri Erin O’Flaherty became the first openly gay contestant.
But, it’s Kerr who is the LGBTQ pioneer for Miss America. She came out about her sexual identity in 1986 and married her wife in 2011 (after dating since 1996).
“I didn’t have role models,” she said. “It is important that if there are girls struggling with their identity now, they have another role model. If there is a child who wants to be Miss America one day, she can be. People like her can — and have — competed.
“I didn’t have a platform in my day. This has given me a platform and a purpose.”
• • •
At age 5, Kerr started entering pageants and developed a unique western singing style. She credits a family friendship with country star Conway Twitty as an influence.
When she won Miss Oklahoma, she was a cheerleader at the University of Oklahoma in her junior year studying television/radio/film.
After her year as Miss Oklahoma, Kerr focused on a social life. Living in Dallas and working around a diverse group of people, she emerged.
“To be honest, the notion of gay never entered my mind. I was raised like a typical Oklahoma kid in a Southern Baptist family. I always competed in pageants and had goals,” Kerr said. “I didn’t have the same experience as other gay people. It never dawned on me. But once I realized it, it was like a light bulb go off in my head. It made sense.”
In 1986, at age 23, she came out to family and close friends, but didn’t become outspoken.
The decade wasn’t kind to LGBTQ people, and she worried about others.
“I did not want to embarrass the state, embarrass my parents or embarrass anybody,” she said. “I had to deal with my own insecurity. There were no role models for me outside the gay guys I knew.”
At a gay bar in Dallas with a girlfriend, she spotted a man she knew from the Miss Oklahoma Pageant.
“I immediately panicked, grabbed (her date) and said we had to go, even though I knew he was a gay hairdresser,” Kerr said. “It was very difficult at first. I put the difficulty on me.”
Kerr was also unsure how to meet women. Once, she followed Martina Navratilova and her girlfriend around an 18-hole golf tournament to be around other lesbians.
“I just ended up sunburned and exhausted. When I first came out, I had no clue. I knew what I felt, but I didn’t know what to do,” she said. “I went to every Virginia Slims Tournament because that was my gay connection. I didn’t know how to relate.”
Eventually, she found her way, building a close community of like-minded friends. She has worked as an airline stewardess, television commercial scheduler, assistant to a tax judge and now as a Washington, D.C.-based nonprofit fundraiser.
In 1996, Kerr wandered into a gay bar after watching OU football at a nearby sports bar. That’s where she met Kymmr Barker, and the two became a couple.
Barker proposed on a beach, and the two married on a condo rooftop at 11 a.m. on Nov. 11, 2011. She continues to refer to Trelynda lovingly and proudly as “Miss Oklahoma.”
• • •
Through the years, Kerr drifted away from attending pageants, knowing rumors and stories about her were out there. But, she always remained an ardent pageant champion.
Last year, the Miss Oklahoma Pageant surprised her by inviting her to be a judge. Honored, Kerr brought her wife.
“I felt comfortable in my own skin,” Kerr said. “It was so much fun, and I connected with so many people. It was an amazing homecoming.”
For Kerr, pageants provided more than $20,000 in college scholarships at a time when women didn’t have much financial aid. It also gave a chance to get national singing exposure.
“We didn’t have ‘American Idol’ back then,” she said. “Pageants are a fantastic way to get great at interviews, make new friends and expand your knowledge.”
She has taken her activism to social media on Twitter, @tre0808, and her blog, Beauty Queen Confessions: A View from My Closet.
She’s never been asked by an LGBTQ organization to speak about her experience, but she has plenty to say.
“God has given me a tap on the head to say you can do more,” Kerr said. “Now through changes with Miss America, you can be part of something. Children who are like me, maybe they knew earlier because I was a late bloomer, can have a role model. I hope, at age 55, I can help and encourage people.”
Looking back, Kerr gets tickled at the irony of her signature pageant song: “Stand By Your Man,” by Tammy Wynnette.
“When I tell people, they laugh. Then I laugh. It’s laughable,” she said. “But, I do believe in happy endings and standing by people when going through hard time. But really, it just showed my range. Nothing more, nothing less.”
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